Always Tip Your Driver

Trip length: 8 (or 14) minutes. Trip distance: 1.4 miles. Fare: $9.02. Year: 2017 Song of the trip:  “Dad I'm In Jail” by Was (Not Was) Sometimes I make the wrong call on whether or not to pick up a fare. Every time I show up to a location, I have to make a snap judgment - is this safe, or is this going to be the kind of fare that gets me into serious trouble? 99% of the time, it's a very easy call to make. Some people going out for dinner in nice clothes, some people in clothes that used to be nice coming home from the bar late, people going to or from a concert, people with bags full of groceries to take home, people going to or from the airport... It's almost second nature that they're just people and the situation isn't going to be dicey. And then there's the 1%. It's a well-known fact I hate 1%. One percenters, 1% odds of failure, you name it... just the number and the symbol are enough to give me the jitters. So I suppose I truly should...

Trip length: 32 minutes. Trip distance: 16.3 miles. Fare: $19.48 Year: 2016 Song of the trip: “Hey Boy Hey Girl” by The Chemical Brothers The Nissan rolls into a tiny space in front of one of the frat houses, and I'm already a little nervous about this fare. The San Jose State kids are a mixed bag at best. Sometimes they're fine, but they also have the potential to be hot messes. Still, it's early enough that I don't feel like I need to worry about it too much. I stab my finger at the big button on the dash board to turn the hazard lights on and glance at the clock. 11:35 pm. The five minute timer is on. I turn it off almost immediately, though, as four guys move to the car with intent. They don't really look like the frat type, but then again, I wasn't in a frat, so who am I to judge? One guy opens the front passenger door and says, “You my Uber?” “I dunno. You Arturo?” “Ayup. C'mon boys, let's go.” The four of them pil...

Trip length: 18 minutes. Trip distance: 12 miles. Fare: $13.07  Year: 2018. Song of the trip:  “Ramblin' Man” by Lemon Jelly I'd just dropped someone off at Oracle at 10:30 p.m. on a Friday, which meant I was on the border of Redwood City and Foster City, and I figured that no one would possibly call for a ride out there, so I was about to make my way back over to 101 when the phone pings and tells me there's a request only 5 minutes away. I figure why not, so I tap accept and see the request is northeast of me, to my surprise. Foster City, for those of you not in the Bay Area, is definitively not cheap . A one-bedroom apartment out there can run you three grand a month, easy. It's not an area we get called into that much, at least not us common UberX drivers. See, Uber offers a variety of levels when it comes to service. You have UberX, which is any ol' Tom, Dick or Harry who's driving for them, and makes up the majority of the fleet. Then you h...

Trip length: 0 minutes. Trip distance: 0 miles. Fare: $3.75  Year: 2016. Song of the trip:  “Liar Liar (It Takes One To Know One)” by Taking Back Sunday You can't cheat an honest man, they say. They say that, of course, because that's another lie someone trying to con you will tell you. It's better to believe the old proverb "A fool and his money are easily parted." Well, let me tell you, Old Man Billy's nobody's fool. I am always  suspicious. The fare's name is Michael, and he's supposed to be over at 5th and Santa Clara, right in front of the San Jose City Hall. Stopping on Santa Clara street on a Friday night at 9 p.m. is a dangerous option, though, so I turn onto 5th St. and pull over on the side of the street just a little bit away from the corner, and flip my blinkers on. It's not uncommon to have to wait a few minutes, so I'm about to get my book out when the phone rings. I answer it, fully expecting it to be some drunke...

Trip length: 18 minutes. Trip distance: 4.4 miles. Fare: $16.78  Year: 2018. Song of the trip:  “Rain Street” by The Pogues So I told you that last story to tell you this one. Normally on Saint Paddy's Day, I turn on my phone to a playlist of Irish music that I like (The Pogues, Black-47, The Chieftains, Flogging Molly, Dropkick Murphys, etc.) and I'm stuck ferrying people who are so blisteringly drunk they have trouble finding the door handle to get out of the car. I figured I'd get at least one good story to tell you, but this wasn't the one I was expecting. There were  loads of drunks, but they weren't the most entertaining fare I had on St. Drunkard's Day. One of the most common things that happens when people get in the car is they want to hear a story. "Tell me about the craziest thing that's ever happened in here." "Have you ever been threatened?" "Has someone thrown up in your car?" "Has anyone tried to hav...

Trip length: 13 minutes. Trip distance: 3.8 miles. Fare: $11.36  Year: 2015. Song of the trip: “Roxanne” by The Police It's a sleepy Friday night but a fare earlier in the night had brought me up to Stanford University and I haven't been able to get away from the area since. The Stanford kids are generally decent enough riders, but sometimes things can get a little dicey. What I'm trying to do right now, though, is figure out what the hell is going on . About an hour ago, I brought the car to a stop in front of one of the dorms, and the phone said I was waiting for someone named Kyle. But a Kyle was not forthcoming. Instead, a brunette girl sauntered out, carrying a bag with her. Lovely, no denying, dressed in a rather slinky black dress, the classic little black dress that every girl keeps in her closet to make an impression, or so I'm told. No one's ever used a little black dress on me before. I can't tell if that means I'm too easy ...